Thursday, July 26, 2007

2. Akhlaq to Parents and Relatives
Al Quran strictly requires man to dedicate to his parents (Q: 17: 23). Dedicating to parents (birrul walidain) is alkhoir, a goodness value universally made compulsory by God. It means that the goodness value of dedicating to parents is in force for all times and for all strata of societies. How to dedicate to parents, however, belongs to category of al ma’ruf that is a goodness value socially accepted by a society in a time and in a region. In this case, Al Quran set limitations. For example, in Surah Al Isra it is mentioned that a child should not speak harshly to his/her parents, let alone scolding them (Q: 17: 23).

A child should show his/her thankfulness to his/her parents that had caused him/her to exist in this world. God views a child’ s thankfulness to his parents as essential, so that the command to be thankful to parents is revealed at the same time with command to be thankful to Himself (Q: 31:14). One’s obedience to his parents, however, is limited by his obedience to God. If his parents command one to do things violating God’s commands, then he is not allowed to obey their command by still properly (ma’ruf) respecting them as parents (Q: 31: 15). The prophet also forbids a child to openly take a dispute with his parents to a law court since children-parents relations are not merely legal relations with aspect of social contract but also holy blood relations.

Meanwhile, parents should be just in giving their affection to their children. Among parents’ obligations to their children are giving good names, making a living for them, educating them with religion (akhlaq for living) and marrying them off in time
If his parents had passed way, a child has following obligations to them: (a) doing things commanded in their last will/testament, (b) maintaining their good reputation, (c) continuing their goals, (d) continuing social interactions with their relatives and friends, (e) asking God’s forgiveness for them. In case of social interactions with relatives, the spirit of good relations in general should be in accordance with the spirit of obligation to dedicate to one’s parents.

One’s uncles, aunts, mothers in law, and so on should be placed at the same level/position as his/her parents, younger nephews and nieces should be placed at the same level as his younger brothers/sisters, while older nephews and nieces should be placed at the same level as his older brothers/sisters. Specifically, relatives should be given priorities over others. For example, if one intends to pay zakah while there are poor persons entitled to receive the zakah among his relatives, then the poor relatives should be given priority over other poor people who are not relatives in receiving the zakah. The spirit of ethics in kinship relations is expressed by Prophet Muhammad in following sentence: “respecting the older and caring for the younger” (laisa minna man lam yuwagir kabirana wa lam yarham soghirana).